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July 3rd, 2020 donnahoke


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I mentioned in an earlier post about my end-of-play checklist. One of the things I had on it was wanting to add more of Katie and Cha-Cha coming up with nail polish colors for fun. You’ll see that I have one in this scene, but I went back and added some others, including: Well Hung Over (something eye-popping and blinding), joke about I’m An Atheist (black with silver), Urn Your Keep (Katie’s bad attempt), Cockpit Stop (the color of the wild blue yonder),  Pickle My Fancy.

I like the running thread of this as started with Midnight in a Bathhouse, so I went through and did that and checked that item off my final to-do list.

And now back to FINDING NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, already in progress:

SCENE 11 45th and 9th, NYC


KATIE is taking pictures with her phone.


CHA-CHA: How many pictures do you need of this exact spot?


KATIE: I’m trying to get the perfect picture.


CHA-CHA: I thought you had the perfect picture yesterday.


KATIE: I can delete it if I take one today that’s more perfect.


CHA-CHA: Why are we on this corner anyway?


KATIE: It’s where he met David. He must walk through here a lot.


CHA-CHA: It’s a boring corner.


KATIE: We saw a monkey yesterday.


CHA-CHA: The people watching is better in Times Square.


KATIE: That’s not where they met. And today is their anniversary.




KATIE: So maybe they like to come and relive the moment.


CHA-CHA: Which means they’re in Italy.


KATIE: The anniversary of they day they met, the day they realized connecting with someone can change your life.


CHA-CHA: We’ve been stalking this corner for almost a week. Our PTO is gone for a pipe dream that’s not even ours.


KATIE: I feel lucky today.


CHA-CHA: You’ve said that every day and the luckiest I got was Spiderman hitting on me.

KATIE: You said you were finding a bathroom!

CHA-CHA: Super Here Oh My! Blue with red tint.

KATIE: No more Times Square!

CHA-CHA: Tino said 44th and 9th. This is 45th and 9th.

KATIE: It could be in between. We’ll just keep walking back and forth.

CHA-CHA: I can’t do this anymore.

KATIE: You can’t give up.

CHA-CHA: I am. I’m giving up.

KATIE: We have to make Tonio’s dream happen.

CHA-CHA: We can’t even make our own dreams happen.

KATIE: If you set out to run a mile and you stop halfway, what have you accomplished?

CHA-CHA: I got my ass off the couch and ran half a mile.

KATIE: Fine! If you’re making cookies and you stop halfway, what do you have?

CHA-CHA: Cookie dough! I love cookie dough!

KATIE: What if you stop before the flour, when it’s just eggs and butter and sugar?

CHA-CHA: It’s pretty fucking good that way too.

KATIE: I’m gonna get this. If you only draw half an eight, what do you have?

CHA-CHA: Four?

KATIE Four? How do you draw an eight? Four is all lines.

CHA-CHA: I’m bad at math.

KATIE: If you only draw half an eight, you get a goose egg. NOTHING. I don’t want to do this halfway. I’m sick of halfway.

CHA-CHA: What if we don’t?


KATIE: Then nothing ever changes.

KATIE holds up her phone, stops.

CHA-CHA: Leave–

KATIE: There he is.

KATIE ducks behind a garbage can or pole (i.e. like a ficus).

CHA-CHA: Where?


KATIE: There.


CHA-CHA: That’s not him.


KATIE: It is. The hat is camouflage but it’s a Hedwig hat. We have to hurry.

CHA-CHA: So what are we doing? Flinging? Sprinkling? Spreading?

KATIE: We don’t want to attract Homeland Security.


CHA-CHA: What if we just each take a handful and shake his hand, like “Neil! Oh my god! So happy to meet you!”

KATIE: So they at least touch him.

CHA-CHA: Yeah.

KATIE: Do we both need to do it? It might seem aggressive. You do it.

CHA-CHA: Why me? KATIE Just do it! He’s walking away!

KATIE pulls out and opens the bag of ashes. CHA hesitates.

KATIE: Hurry!

CHA-CHA reaches in and takes a big handful of what’s left of the ashes.

CHA-CHA: Is this enough?

KATIE: It’ll have to be. Where’d he go? There! Go!

CHA-CHA moves toward the edge of the stage, her hand outstretched like she’s ready to attack. She trips and falls and the ashes go flying.





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5 Comments on “EPISODE 17: FINDING NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, A Play In Process”

  1. 1 tina said at 9:18 am on July 6th, 2020:

    Love how the action and anticipation is building. I want to see what happens next!!

  2. 2 Caitlin said at 9:18 pm on July 7th, 2020:

    I think this is hilarious. I love the nail polish colors thing – I think about who names these colors for a living – is it a good job? Do they take it seriously? I also like that Cha-Cha does the NPH approach- I can hear them excitedly bickering right before.

  3. 3 Bill Crouch said at 5:10 pm on July 8th, 2020:

    I’m enjoying that this scene is set at 45th St. and 9th Ave, it feels so right. I live in that area when I’m not Upstate. As you know, it’s the heart of Hell’s Kitchen and it’s also considered the new “Ladies Mile” a moniker for an LGBTQ+ area, formerly found in Chelsea. Bravo, this play is really, really fun. (The tussle over who will fling the ashes and how, is great.)

  4. 4 Melissa said at 7:20 pm on July 9th, 2020:

    Oh wow, this is so SO good. This is a great read. From the nail polish name play (how much fun are you having with those?!) to the stalking of NPH. This line: ‘I got my ass off the couch and ran half a mile’ – love it!
    Question: You’ve mentioned previously that you are writing the characters with some actors in mind that you know would bring your script to life brilliantly. If your script were adapted for film and you had to go ‘Hollywood’ (you, as screenwriter, would get full say over casting, which never happens but let’s pretend) and Neil Patrick Harris said he’d phone around, who would you choose as your ideal no-holds-barred cast?

  5. 5 donnahoke said at 7:29 pm on July 9th, 2020:

    LOL great question! Sadly, while I can cast perfectly cast any show in the universe with Buffalo actors, I’m not so great with TV and film people, especially comedic ones. But that really would be the biggest thing; the show needs good comic actors. Imagining my three, I sometimes laugh just thinking about them doing this stuff! I have to get to a Zoom but I will think on it!

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