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July 31st, 2020 donnahoke


If you’re still here, I thank you.  I’m not even asking anybody to subscribe anymore because we’re so close to the end. I do have some other things to ask, though, because even though we’re close to the end, for the writer that’s just the beginning.


At this point, do you know what Katie and Cha-Cha want? I guess, since you haven’t finished the play yet, I could also ask what do you hope they get?

What does NPH represent?

What does Tonio/Tina/Tino/Antoine represent?

What would happen if they went home from this trip unsuccessful?

That’s it. Now back to Scene 15 of FINDING NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, already in progress (you’re going to miss all these NPH images, right? I know I am.)

Oh! One more thing! This play got selected for a development opportunity in December! I can’t say which one yet, but they had asked for just some pages so I sent what I had and bam! A nice bit of validation for this weird ride.


KATIE: Get the bag!


CHA-CHA: You have the bag!


KATIE: Right!


KATIE digs in her purse and comes out with–an empty plastic bag. Well, not totally empty; there’s a pickle.


CHA-CHA: Did you take the rest?




CHA-CHA: Where are they?


KATIE: I don’t know!


CHA-CHA: What are we going to do?


KATIE: It’s a real pickle.


CHA-CHA: This is no time for humor!


KATIE: Was that funny?


ANTOINE: He’s leaving.


CHA-CHA: Turn it inside out. Lick it.


KATIE: Lick the ashes?


ANTOINE: Or lick the pickle.


CHA-CHA: You can get what’s left.


KATIE: And then what, lick Neil’s face?


ANTOINE: You don’t have much time.


CHA-CHA: Who are you?


KATIE (shouting down the street): Neil! Neil!


CHA-CHA: What are you going to do without ashes?


KATIE: Neil! Our friend Tonio died and he had this death wish. We didn’t know it was a death wish but it turned out it was and so we got the ashes from his sister, which was well, teabags out and woodpeckers and we had to steal them which was probably wrong, and they’re a little mixed with her husband’s, and he has a bird problem, and Tino said his grandpa never had a Cadillac, which got me thinking about why were actually trying to find you/


CHA-CHA: /she gets deep/


KATIE: /and now we have, so–


NPH (o.s.): You want to spread the ashes on me.


KATIE: Oh my god, how–


NPH (o.s.): I get that a lot.


CHA-CHA: So then–


NPH: You can rub them on the back of my hand.


CHA-CHA: But we don’t have any left.


KATIE: We lost them trying to find you.


CHA-CHA: Maybe you could just stick your hand in the bag for a minute.


Katie holds out the bag. Offstage NPH takes it, KATIE and CHA-CHA gawk. NPH hands the bag back.


ANTOINE: Legend. Wait for it–


NPH: Yep. Never hear that.


KATIE: Thank you.


NPH: Have you been stalking this corner waiting for me to show up?


KATIE: It’s not stalking if you weren’t here.


NPH: What if you never found me?


CHA-CHA: My dad always said you have take all the shots with confidence knowing some might not land.


NPH: Ha. Was your dad a comedian?


CHA-CHA: Yes. He was.


KATIE and CHA-CHA wave good-bye. KATIE and CHA-CHA watch NPH walk away.


CHA-CHA: So that just happened.


KATIE: And at least we didn’t get arrested.


CHA-CHA: Next time.


KATIE: The picture!


ANTOINE: I’m afraid he’s already gone.


CHA-CHA: You’re still here.


KATIE: Who are you?


ANTOINE: I’m Antoine!


KATIE: Will you take a picture of us Antoine?


ANTOINE: I’d be delighted.


KATIE and CHA-CHA strike a few poses. ANTOINE snaps the photos. KATIE takes the phone back from him.


KATIE: Thank you.


ANTOINE: Thank you! I met Neil Patrick Harris!


ANTOINE exits. KATIE looks at the photos.


KATIE This one is–


CHA-CHA: Don’t say it.


KATIE: But it’s–


CHA-CHA: Let’s go walk the High Line.


Come back next week and let’s end this thing!!



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